In a miserable cavernous pub filled with old men staring wistfully into their Guinness whilst grey drizzle batters spitefully against the windows.
The jukebox is playing “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye.
I was at the Kohls getting some new slippers this morning and they were buy one get one 1/2 off…and I thought to myself: “what a joy to have someone to love and to share such a deal with on the regular. Equally as joyous to share a life with someone who appreciates slippers as much as I.”
Last night I was in awful mood.
It started out with losing one side of the earring that I got from my art teacher. I have cleaned and searched every part of my room but it refused to show up.
Then I don’t know why but … I started to cry. I think the suppressed emotions I had when I discovered that he had abandoned me and the world finally found their way to surface.
After when I gained little control, I made the lists of things that has happened to me this summer.
"This summer I lost some friends. I begin to feel apathetic but the loss of this one friend hurts me the most.
This summer I have fully decided that I am going to be a fine artist and with all my best effort I will make beautiful things.
This summer I have realized that I am Taehee but also Theresa. Theresa will be my name that my friends will use. Taehee is my rediscovered fragment of my past that will pursuit artistic journey.”
Then I fell asleep.
After I woke up I ran family errands. But when I got back, I saw a piece of earring that I thought I lost forever. It was casually laid on my bed. I have asked my family if they have found it but they knew nothing of it. So it just mysteriously disappeared and showed up again. I can’t find logical explanation.
But somehow it is comforting.
That awkward moment when I got scared by my own painting in the dark.
I’m sitting at the Discount Tire, waiting to get my tires rotated. It seems everyone else had the same idea, because my wait is about an hour. Last time I came here I had to buy four new tires. I haven’t shaved in forever and I’m wearing shorts. Does anyone really look at each others’ legs? I don’t look at anyone else’s legs. I have the same view on shaving legs as I do on mowing grass. I’m trying to figure out what I want to eat for lunch. At the start of this saga, that was my main motivation. I dropped a roll of color film off at work so it makes it into our morning route tomorrow, and then I ended up here. I think it’s important to have a working knowledge of both analog and digital photography in my line of work. I wonder how long I’ll be working where I work. I wonder how long I’ll be living where I live. Almost everyone is on their phone in here while they wait. I wonder what they’re doing. I didn’t intend to be here right now. I wonder what would have unfolded if I had done something differently today. Timeline wise. I want to take a nap. I missed the period at least 5 times there and kept hitting the Z key instead. Napz.
So Tao lin deleted his facebook, several twitter accounts and his entire gmail inbox and threw away his macbook as a result of ‘alien possession’ while on mushrooms and that is so funny
Felt this came to Korea …
Now my place in Korea that there is no real feeling.
Subtle feelings about Korea but I
After all, the country only blood relation to me as well
I found that there is no place to treadmill.
Parts of the body like the cut just once.
Sseureut slightly sad, but really.
I went from an early age to continue moving atmospheres
What is my home place where the journaling which is often tried to think.
Korea or the United States or … anytime I could will shake the feeling was not the isolation dwaeeotda.
But until now, we’ve been the happiest place I
As for dorm life
Shown to have similar thoughts to feel similar feelings living
Me to live a different life, or people with different personalities
Where I migrated here because I recognize that my own people …
Here I found my house had a feeling gangyeolhi.
Come on, I want to go home.
My neighbours are playing acoustic guitar and singing but…. really really well, and we’ve only had one green day song. I paused the movie I was watching.
Writing to embrace fragility
In acknowledgement of my weaknesses
I haven’t written in months, to remain bold is to exist in silence, in rejection of poetic tendencies. To ignore romanticised stanzas written about boys I fall asleep next to. Repressed emotions; to write doesn’t make anything any more real. “You already know how I feel, right?”
Tonight I cried twice,
Tonight I fell up a staircase with a tray full of glasses and rolled about in the shards.
We didn’t make it in time. She died the day before we flew out. Well it was the night before for us. I don’t know why I’m writing this now or why I’m putting this on tumblr but I am.
I’ve been in Sweden for 12 days now. The first few days and over easter I stayed with my mum’s old work colleague and her family. I did ok. I laughed a lot, didn’t think about anything important, survived the jetlag.
Now I’m at the apartment, staying in my grandma’s old room. It still smells of her. It still hasn’t really sunk in yet, it honest to god feels like she’s just popped out to the hair dressers or something like that. I’m still fooling myself into thinking she’ll walk through the door any moment. This is all just a sick joke right? I suppose because I was literally half a world away while she was sick, I was really far away from it all, I just didn’t really believe she was that sick in the first place.
I’m in denial about it, but in certain unguarded moments the grief seeps through my Great Wall of denial and I feel sick to my stomach and there’s this great big hole being ripped into my chest. I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. I was really close to my grandma and I’m dreading the moment the knowledge that she’s gone really hits me.